I can’t tell you how many times clients book me for a media training and ask that I put their trainee through a “Mike Wallace – 60 Minutes-style interview.”  I understand the rationale.  They want to make sure their people can hold up under the most aggressive grilling in a hostile environment.  They want reassurance that if they’re cast as “The Black Hat” in a classic TV confrontation, that they will emerge with their public image still intact.  If they do decide to wander into this media minefield, my job as their media trainer is to show them the map, where not to step to avoid imploding.  Chances are, though, most of us will never find ourselves sitting in that type of hot seat across from a crusading journalist.

Truth is, there’s a far more dangerous and common scenario lurking out there than the frothing-at-the-mouth, pit-bull reporter.  Much more perilous is the disarming journalist with the calming and reassuring social skills and empathetic tone.  The really good reporters are charming and establish a connection with you.  They do not discredit your position; in fact, they may even voice the various ways in which they agree with you. Skilled reporters can make you feel important, interesting, even well-liked and, in return, you reward them with your trust. It’s basic human nature to share more of what you shouldn’t be sharing with someone you feel is on your side.  But beware!  This could be a trap.  Two different public figures have the recent scars to prove my point.

Recently, Bill Clinton was red-in-the-face furious over Todd Purdum’s article about him in Vanity Fair, a piece that questioned the former president’s judgment and the personal company he keeps.  Had he stayed on message, Mr. Clinton would have focused on the outrageous unfairness of the story, the complete lack of attributable sources and how deeply upsetting he found the inaccuracies.  He could have turned the dialogue back where it needed to be (yes, that would be Hillary’s last-ditch effort to stay in the race) by boldly insinuating that the timing of the article seemed to serve as a distraction from the real story of Hillary pushing to the finish line stronger than Obama.  But that’s not what happened.  Along came a journalist with a sympathetic ear and Bubba took the bait.  The unidentified reporter asked for his thoughts on the “hatchet job” story.  Emboldened, Bill, sensing a kindred spirit, proceeded to call Purdum “sleazy,” “slimy” and “dishonest,” characterizations he later had to admit were inappropriate and regretful.  It wasn’t exactly the best moment for the Clintons to be back on their heels.

As I tell my clients, reporters are not your friends.  They are there to do a job and giving you carte blanche to regurgitate your scripted key messages is not their idea of a story.  Getting you off-message… now, there’s fertile ground for a story.  Just because there’s not a reporter’s notebook or video camera in plain sight doesn’t mean you can get careless and chummy.  My experience as both a reporter and a media trainer has taught me a very simple equation:  The more you like the reporter, the more careless you’re likely to be.

Willie Randolph, the former manager of the New York Mets might have been equally lax earlier this season when he told Ian O’Connor (a highly regarded sports reporter for The Record of Hackensack NJ that perhaps the negative scrutiny of his job performance by fans and the media was motivated by the fact that he is black.  This controversial, “off-message” remark dominated the back page headlines of New York newspapers for days and seemingly served as a distraction in the Mets clubhouse.  A meeting with team ownership followed.  It was acknowledged that Randolph’s suddenly questionable job security had more to do with his comments than his team’s poor on-field performance.  Within a month, he was fired.  What caused the slip?  Respected New York Times sports columnist Harvey Araton suspects that Randolph misled himself into “thinking out loud to someone he mistakenly believed was more supporter and friend than the excellent journalist… O’Connor… has long been.”

Yes, it’s good to prepare for all the possibilities: the ambush, the hatchet job, the sandbagging.  Those are all legitimate challenges.  But when you feel a chemistry and connection forming with a journalist you met for the first time less than an hour ago, remember this: You’re there to serve your purpose and make yourself happy with the outcome, not them.